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» I am eighteen years old. This diary is for my SECRET posts which NOBODY is supposed to see. It's my obsolete diary which I update in times of ANGST and weirdness. So please. Give me my privacy. 0=)

»loves: BORACAY! :D too many to mention. Books. Vacation. frisbee? high grades! music, clothes, family (sometimes) high school balls, travel, biking, clean air, history, old buildings

»hates: assholes, waiting, being broke, being ugly, being stupid, being mean, mayabang people, low grades, KABABUYAN, people who are full of themselves, desperation

»feeling:
lala

»reads: romance :D

Blah
5:38 p.m. -- 2004-02-04

Sometimes I feel like I’ve been to places I’ve never been to before. It’s just this feeling I get whenever I hear about a certain country that I’ve traveled with my mind. Scotland, for example. I’ve never actually been there, but because I know so much about it and love it so much, I feel like I’ve actually lived there.

I’ve traveled all over Europe. I grabbed every book about Europe whenever I got the chance. My eyes absorbed the pictures of the beauty, the grandeur… the castles and the cathedrals! The palaces, the towers and steeples spiraling over your head! New customs, new clothes… different lives and different faces.

I’m so bored of being confined here. I see the same things everyday, the same people, same activities, same language, same climate, same sounds. Same corrupt politicians. I want something new. Something different. Something beautiful. I really am tired of facing this country and its problems. Living here is like a constant headache. Everyday your teachers, parents, priests and nuns remind and nag you about our country’s problems.

Do something about the pollution you see over the Makati skyline everyday. The squatters you drive by every morning. The starving street children.

I’m sick of it all! I want BEAUTY. I love beautiful places. I sometimes wistfully wonder if everyday I were to look out my window and see rolling green pastures, the ruins of a castle here and there… a park, maybe or a beautiful big gothic cathedral. What if everyday I was to step into the balcony and before my eyes a beautiful landscape painting would stretch out as far as the eye could see? Or look up at the sky and happen to view a pony-shaped fluffy cumulus. Or even see an actual BLUE sky, not grey.

Aaaa I want to scream. I love this country but… I want to live somewhere else!?! I love the people here… but I just hate the environment. The noise. The unbearable litter. The absence of trees ten times taller than me. The lack of impeccably preserved historical buildings. Can’t I walk on the street without the stench of exhaust attacking my lungs? Can’t I enter the nearest library and borrow all the books I want? Can’t I cross cobblestone bridges and walk on famous avenues and breathe flower-scented air.

*sigh* I don’t know what’s happening to me. I think it’s that IHaveToGetOutOfThisCountry Syndrome. Or the GetMeOutOfThisLife Disease.

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