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» I am eighteen years old. This diary is for my SECRET posts which NOBODY is supposed to see. It's my obsolete diary which I update in times of ANGST and weirdness. So please. Give me my privacy. 0=)

»loves: BORACAY! :D too many to mention. Books. Vacation. frisbee? high grades! music, clothes, family (sometimes) high school balls, travel, biking, clean air, history, old buildings

»hates: assholes, waiting, being broke, being ugly, being stupid, being mean, mayabang people, low grades, KABABUYAN, people who are full of themselves, desperation

»feeling:
lala

»reads: romance :D

frustration
1:08 a.m. -- 2006-10-22

i had such great hopes for that night. i would give BG this really nice video, i would sing really well with PB even if we hadn't practiced (argh PB dammit.), then i would get that slow dance BD owed me, then we would have that afterparty that he wanted, then everything would be perfect and reminiscent of ball.

too bad some fucker had to get stone drunk and claim HIS attentions the whole night

too bad a sexy chick sat beside him that night and had a picture with him and i SAW i saw him put his arm around the back of her chair and when he saw that i saw he immediately removed it but

FUCK IT

raymond wasn't there pa naman we could have had fun without risking being teased by lots of bastards because the usual teasers weren't there and

well now it's over and we all know just why.

god. why does everything have to be so FUCKING COMPLICATED? why can't people just be happy?

you're supposed to be someone important in my life. i made you my rose because we're supposed to be close, we're supposed to be friends, we're supposed to share our lives with each other and know what's going on and and ... i don't know just be normal friends at least. IT JUST CAN'T BE THAT WAY. is this really the way it's going to be? is this really the way it has to be? going separate ways, trying our best not to hurt anyone, trying your best not to be with me, not to be teased even if everyone knows it, we act as if there's absolutely NOTHING going on because we don't want people to assume which is actually STUPID because they already do assume. i just don't understand why i have to be sad. this sucks. i sound fucking selfish. it's usually my choice whether i feel happy or not. BUT NOW it's not in my hands. MY HAPPINESS RESTS IN YOUR HANDS. it's SO DIFFICULT. it's difficult to NOT be in control of how things are to be.

i remember how it was to have no one. i don't think it was better that way but THIS ALMOST BEATS TOTAL SOLITUDE.

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