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» I am eighteen years old. This diary is for my SECRET posts which NOBODY is supposed to see. It's my obsolete diary which I update in times of ANGST and weirdness. So please. Give me my privacy. 0=)

»loves: BORACAY! :D too many to mention. Books. Vacation. frisbee? high grades! music, clothes, family (sometimes) high school balls, travel, biking, clean air, history, old buildings

»hates: assholes, waiting, being broke, being ugly, being stupid, being mean, mayabang people, low grades, KABABUYAN, people who are full of themselves, desperation

»feeling:
lala

»reads: romance :D

to be continued
7:59 p.m. -- 2007-10-05

i remember the first time i met you. i was walking and laughing and feeling quite happy, then when i looked up you were there--silent and tall, with a slight smile on your lips. i remember being mesmerized at the most; curious, for certain.

you had a dimple, which i noticed, for it was easy to get you to smile. no need for coercion, just a "hi" would do and it would appear.

in my head you were a handsome and tall, typically well-liked young man, owned by others. i would never do, it would never happen. so i went on stealing surreptitious glances every time i remembered someone interesting and new was close by and thought to myself, i wish... ah, but no. can't be. (why had we never met before? you knew everyone, i knew everyone. we were the only people that night who didn't know each other.)

i was interested enough to ensure a seat beside you in the table, did you notice? but i was so sure that you wouldn't notice me that i decided to let the fancy go and leave your side to look around more--back to the party, back to the crowd.

and i had fun. a twinge of regret was felt at not staying by you and the others, but it was shrugged off at new but not exhilarating experiences.

then you showed up, but you were with a girl. where did she come from?, i wondered. she was fair, with wavy, long, auburn-ish hair. she had bright pink lips and smoky eyes. her clothes revealed much. kind of like me, but she carried them in a different way. so i sat beside her on the long couch, feeling so-so, feeling kind of bored, trying not to look at your hand on her knee (oh god, do i notice everything?), trying to concentrate on having fun. i was slightly disappointed because you seemed a little intimate with her but... i shrugged that off as well.

the next time we talked was during the goodbyes. you know what happened then. old for the new, if that makes sense. maybe the latter would lead to happier roads...?

and so i decided to talk to you. i was shy, i don't know if you could tell. i was trying my best to hide it, but you can always tell when i look at anything but your eyes.

you sat beside me on the ride home :) i don't know if i planned for that to happen, but i was ecstatic that it did. your friend in the passenger seat was teasing me the whole way back but i don't think you realized that he was teasing me about you. i almost died of shame. my back was erect, because it was crowded at the back and i was sitting at the edge of my seat. i could've leaned back but you were behind me and i was terrified you'd figure out that... i... well, i don't know. and i didn't want you to think anything of me.

and so i went home. i saw you at school two days later but i didn't say hi and you didn't either. we passed each other on a crowded hallway right after the bell rang. do you remember? i didn't feel sad. i think i even smiled after. my heart was just beating so fast and i was panicking at having to say hi and i kept saying to myself when i saw you approach that he's not gonna say hi he's not gonna say hi he's not gonna look he's not... and you didn't. but i was relieved and laughing at myself for being so nervous.

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